Rants and Raves of a Madman

Old man Winter. What. The. Fuck? I fucking told you. No snowing unless you bury this goddamn city in it or if you’re going to do a shitty job of snowing, plowing yourself off my driveway… No I don’t really give a shit if you make the sky a nice pretty orange. No excuses sir; none whatsoever. 

On the other hand. You better not melt either. I demand a snowball fight.

So, like how the title suggests, having a saw can be a bad thing….Before you ask, I will explain. The saw was there because I planned to return it that same day to a friend whom I borrowed it from for a woodworking project I have been working on..

Anyway, allow me to start from the beginning. I currently am single, and having broken up with a girlfriend of nearly 3 years about 4-5 months back have been looking to fill that gap she left behind. After all, living alone really does get to a person at times. Sadly I have an intense fear of putting myself out there as a datable option. This by all means is funny as I have no problem talking to anyone (or causing a scene in public; another story)…aside from someone I have a crush on. Girls think its cute, I think its pathetic.

However, fate decided to give me a break, or so I thought.

I met a girl, lets call her, Melissa, in one of my university lectures, lets just say she was quite the looker, 5” 5, I would guess no more then 110 pounds, great body [not just tits and ass], smile of a goddess, blue eyes and blonde hair with a touch of brunette. She looked like something you would see out of a modeling magazine. She happened to sit next to me and started a conversation with me. Aside from the initial shock of someone so stunning talking to me, I was additionally shocked at how well we hit it off, personalities in sync, great discussion; about the class at first and then on to more personal topics. This turned into flirting and after finding out we live in the same area..plans for sex.

I’m not one to do flings, or well, sex without commitment in general. Amazing, is it not? A man that does not find sex the be all end all of relationships…or more like its basis. However, 4 months or so kinda made me feel lonely, so I figure ‘why not? you’re young, live a little’.

Cutting to the chase, we are on the bus home, touching, feeling, making out, all that fun stuff. Had the stuff of a raging boner going, and she was well ready to go herself by the time we got to our destination. Alas, we get to my car.. I get in and am ready to go, as I threw my bag into the back seat of the car, however Melissa insisted that she throw her multiple bags into the trunk, reasoning of course the paranoia of people breaking into my car to steal her things. So I push the button to open the trunk from the drivers’ seat and relax as she goes around to put her things inside. I notice that she happens to just stand there for a good 30 seconds, maybe more, before closing the trunk, coming up to my side of the vehicle and telling me the following, “You’re a freak, stay the fuck away from me and I never want to see you again.”

Seriously I was confused, unless there was something utterly disgusting in there that I did not know of, she must have been nuts. I go around, open the trunk, and realize what the issue was. There was a hand saw in the trunk.

Can you believe it? I had to laugh at seeing this. Oh and yes, there is a guard on the blade. Maybe she watched too many episodes of Dexter?

I really think I should give up with women, this is not the first incident of failure in my 4.5 month single streak, this is only the most recent of fail.

Yea…you’ll see this a lot. Can’t sleep. On the bright side, I will say, vodka and cranberry juice make for a delicious cocktail.